Friday, April 24, 2009
I have finally accepted the fact that I am a changed horsewoman after breast cancer, and that after having a young , vibrant horse out of work for so long, the task of bringing her back into training is too big for me. I am quite proud of where I got her before her injury. We competed successfully, I rode with an Olympic medalist, and we were steadily making progress. Shortly before the tendon injury, I came off and scraped my arm on the arena wall. Afterwards I went through 6 months of physical therapy due to the swelling/lymphedema that can probably be attributed to the multiple skin wounds. I have found that since then, I am too aware of the risk that I am putting myself in when I am riding. If I do injure my lymphedema-affected arm, I may have permanent damage that reduces the quality of my life forever. I am not okay with that. So I find that I am riding more cautiously than before, and I also get the sense that this isn't the best way to train this horse. So, I will send her (hopefully) to a top German dressage trainer in the area. He will be evaluating her on Monday, April 27, 2009. I hope beyond all hope that he agrees to take her. I hope beyond hope that I somehow find the money to pay for 60 days of training with him. My mom has committed part of the money for me. I still wonder how I will come up with the rest, but I know I will somehow. I do think this is the best thing I can do for myself and for Z, and I can't wait to have her back once she has been put back into training. I love riding her and I look forward to moving ahead in our training together.